Interview with Aesculpius (Paul Cutley, patient no. 66) on the Experimental Summons, Innu
Aesculpius was given parol for a day in order to sit down with the guest, Innu, for an hour. This experiment was conducted both to learn about Innu, and to learn more about the mental state and dependability of our patients, as directed by Dr. Sato
Interviewer: What can you tell me about him? You went to coffee with him yesterday, as I recall.
Aesculpius: That is correct.
Interviewer: What was your first impression?
Aesculpius (crosses his arms and leans back in his chair): Well, for starters, he’s an insufferable cheeky little know-it-all.
Interviewer: Interesting. So you didn’t get along with him?
Aesculpius (scoffs): Are you kidding me? Two minutes after we sit down he starts asking me about my thoughts on ghosts. And I can tell— (he taps his temple) I just know that there’s a right answer to this question, you know?
Interviewer: I can imagine, yes.
Aesculpius: Yeah, well, I think—ghosts don’t exist, obviously. But since that was his opening question, I’m pretty sure that isn’t the right answer. But I think: this flower fairy, what can he possibly do to me? So I tell him how it is. I tell him ghosts don’t exist.
Interviewer: Uh huh, and how did he take it?
Aesculpius (leans forward): He laughed at me. He looked around like there were other people to share the joke with, and he freaking laughed at me. ‘Don’t believe in ghosts?’ he says, ‘how is that a thing people can think?’ So I proceeded to make him aware of all the evidence against ghosts and the improbability of the afterlife.
Interviewer: Did he laugh at that, too?
Aesculpius: No, not at all. On the contrary, he got angry and he called me an idiot. Asked me if I had any idea who I was working for.
Interviewer: Oh. Please elaborate.
Aesculpius: Yeah, he got really close to me, like this, and whispered, ‘How dare you.’ Or something like that. He asked me if my head was made of stone. I was offended. I mean, that’s basically calling me a blockhead, isn’t it, in whatever backward hovel he comes from.
Interviewer: I can’t pretend to know.
Aesculpius: Nah, I guess not. Where does he come from, anyway? Because he’s probably the weirdest person I’ve ever met, and I’ve met Janus, so… I mean, if you can’t tell me, I understand, but I am mighty curious—
Interviewer: Yeah, no, I understand completely. Maybe at the end of our interview. I want to get your raw, unbiased opinion of him, without feeding you anything. You understand.
Aesculpius: Of course.
Interviewer: All right. So, you didn’t hit it off at the beginning, but your coffee date was set to last for a full hour. What did you talk about for the other fifty-eight minutes?
Aesculpius: Well, actually, we cut it to half an hour.
Interviewer: You didn’t have authorization to do that.
Aesculpius: So sue me. I wasn’t going to waste an hour of my time sitting across from a judgmental freak who would rather stare out the window than talk to me.
Interviewer: So he stared out the window the whole time?
Aesculpius: Yeah, pretty much. It irked me, you know, because we were supposed to be talking to get info for your interviews.
Interviewer: Thank you.
Aesculpius: I told him that, and he said, oh God, he said, ‘I doubt there is anything to say to someone dim enough to not believe in the afterlife.’ And then he asked me how I could possibly think that, so I told him, but he wouldn’t listen. He just waved his hand like a snob and stared out the window.
Interviewer: I’m sorry your conversation didn’t make much ground. I hoped he would have been more talkative.
Aesculpius: Yeah, well, I tried, Lu, I really did. But there’s no cracking that egg. He doesn’t want to talk about anything but his own ideas. And even when I threw him a bone and asked him about ghosts, he told me I didn’t truly respect them so he had nothing to say to me. Seriously, where did you dig this guy up?
Interviewer: Is there anything else you wanted to say about him?”
Aesculpius: Other than his piercings make me sick, no. He’s a puffed-up pincushion who acts friendly until you step over one of the millions of lines he’s drawn, and then he won’t have anything to do with you. He won’t even talk about it!
Interviewer: Fair enough. Well, I promised I’d tell you where he’s from once our interview is over, and it seems that it is.
Aesculpius: Great. Is he a deranged ultra, because he certainly seems like it.
Interviewer: No, nothing like that. Innu is…he’s actually been dead for some time. Different plane, different time, but the necromancers with our company are quite good and we were able to persuade him to come back for an hour or so to talk with you.
Aesculpius (hesitates, looking frightened): What?
Interviewer: He’s a ghost, Paul.
Aesculpius (hesitates and does not speak for a long time): But I…
Interviewer: You were talking to a ghost. That probably explains some of his attitude, but to be honest, he was like that when he was alive, too.
Aesculpius: You’re sh****ing me.
Interviewer: No, not this time.
Aesculpius: (does not speak any more after that)
Interviewer: Thank you, Paul. Your input has been most helpful. I’ll get this typed up and sent off to Dr. Sato straight away. Here’s a coupon for a free slice of pie from the cafeteria. I hear it’s cherry today.”
A/N: Persuaded, indeed.
Where Sato wins and destroys the lives of the ultras, 1984-style, keeping them locked up as prisoners/guinea pigs for his future experiments and Luis has joined them because reasons. His company has just opened up a new branch to investigate into the paranormal. They have hired a few remaining necromancers and Innu, a necromancer from thousands of years ago in another plane of existence, was their first summoned spirit. This is just a weird little AU that came about as I was trying to think of a way to expose Innu’s faults in an interview setting.
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