so you want me: a poem

So you want me, huh?
You want the ear-splitting silence?
You want the shaking hands, the vacant stare?
You want your stomach squeezed into a walnut,
your feelings amputated until there’s just one,
your vocabulary and the thoughts behind
melted and dribbling away?

No, but I won’t close my eyes.
Spit and holler all you want,
because no matter what you do,
we all spin on the same wheel.
Whether today or in seventy years,
we’ll need to kiss and make up,
and I refuse to do so without a smile.

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